Dear We Are Teachers,
I’m seven weeks pregnant with my first child and feel absolutely miserable. I can barely get up from my desk most of the day, have to pee every 30 minutes, and have thrown up into my classroom trash can more times than I can count. I know some of these symptoms will get better, but I also know that others will take their place! How am I supposed to get through the next 33 weeks?
—Teaching While Pregnant
Dear T.W.P.,
If I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug, I would.
If this pregnancy is exciting overall, congratulations. If it’s less exciting, I’m sending you lots of care. I don’t subscribe to glowy, goddess images of pregnancy. While there can be lots of beautiful things about pregnancy, it’s also hard. You are growing a human! Your organs move, and you create a whole new organ! I just want to validate the challenges: pregnancy symptoms PLUS managing a classroom? It’s a lot.
My biggest piece of advice is to talk with your doctor. I tried to “muscle through” terrible nausea until, 18 weeks in, I discovered Baby and I were underweight. I finally told my doctor what was happening and asked for help. I was prescribed medicine so I could maintain a healthy weight (and the exhaustion lifted a little when I kept food down). Even if you don’t take something, they may have other ideas to help manage symptoms. I also love Karrie Locher’s work and First-Tri musts.
I’d also start doing something I wish I’d done more during pregnancy and as a new mom: Ask for help and say no when necessary.
Make a list of the people you can ask for help. Even if you don’t share your pregnancy with them, find people who can support you as your “capabilities shift.” Then, make a list of things that may become more difficult to do. Now, see how many challenges you can match to people who could help. Can some of the more physical parts of your day become classroom jobs your students manage? Is there a teacher or staff member who could pop in when you really have to pee or the nausea is too much? Can they help you plan downtime/reflection into class routines so you can get a small break?
I also encourage you to say no to anything that isn’t totally necessary or doesn’t bring you joy. Pregnancy means your body needs lots of energy and rest. Let yourself have that rest.
Overall, when it was tough, I tried to remember that this situation, like all things, is temporary. Rather than a challenge you need to overcome, there is an eventual end to the situation. Take it day by day, and don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask for help. Good luck, and I believe in you!
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’m trying to figure out how to handle a situation with a colleague who seems to be subtly provoking me. I’m a teacher with several years of experience, and I’ve always tried to maintain a professional and friendly relationship with all of my colleagues.
However, there’s a new staff member just out of college who makes it difficult to engage in a positive way. She’ll ask me unusual questions in front of others, ignore me, or give short responses when I try to engage. I tried to check in with her to see if she was OK, and she reported me to the principal because she said I made her “uncomfortable.”
I want to address the situation constructively without escalating the tension, but I also want to protect my own well-being and work environment. How do I approach this while maintaining professionalism?
—Avoiding Awkwardness
Dear A.A.,
It’s so hard when you’re excited to meet someone new, and then the vibes are off. Our brains want to understand what’s going on, and so we sometimes begin ascribing beliefs to that person in an attempt to figure out the situation. This approach is understandable—our minds are trying to fill in confusing gaps—but sometimes the ways we fill in the gaps aren’t what’s actually the case.
While you may feel your colleague is passive-aggressive, we don’t know for sure why she’s acting this way. In your situation, I’d lean on experience and manage this the way I’d manage any awkward student. As you mentioned, this new colleague is fresh out of college. I know when I started teaching, I had no idea how to act in the workplace. I tried my best, but I’m grateful for the more seasoned teachers who modeled what professional behaviors looked like.
That said, I wouldn’t bring it up with her again. It’s so tempting to try to find out why—we all want to be liked!—but it’s not worth the drama. She’s made it clear, both in her actions and in reporting you, that she doesn’t want to build a relationship with you right now, and it’s best to respect that. Use that as an invitation to keep an amicable distance. Don’t go out of your way to be cold or unprofessional, but don’t engage either.
When you need to interact with this teacher, keep that same friendly and professional demeanor you’ve had throughout your career and dial it up to level 10. She asks an awkward question? Shower her with curiosity and kindness: “What an interesting question. What made you think about that?” She makes an unusual comment that feels off? Gently ask her to explain further: “Oh, that’s an interesting perspective. What makes you say that?” I’d also try to ensure someone else is present any time you need to speak with her, and keep clear documentation of your interactions.
The reason I like this approach is that it keeps you above the fray and avoids causing any tension when I don’t think it will be worth the outcome. It also allows you to maintain the same friendly, professional approach you’ve had in your years of experience. While you may feel she’s trying to undermine you, without any evidence to prove such, it’s best to show you cannot be undermined. Remain experienced and unflappable, and model what that professionalism looks like. If you want to keep your workplace as drama-free as possible, do your best to resist getting pulled into the drama now. Hopefully, she’ll learn through osmosis, and maybe one day, the relationship will warm up. Good luck, and I believe in you!
Dear We Are Teachers,
I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I teach middle school, and all the side chatter, housekeeping conversations, and minor misbehaviors have me feeling exhausted. I’m also an introvert, so I’m realizing that I’m likely incredibly overstimulated at the end of the day. How do I not completely burn out?
—Introvert in a Loud World
Dear I.I.A.L.W.,
I also identify more with the introverted side of the spectrum. Now that I have two toddlers at home, I’ve found I appreciate my quiet time more and more. I absolutely end the day overstimulated and tired. So, I feel you!
First, it’s essential to check our understanding of introverts and extroverts. It’s easy to get caught up in a label. Still, it’s important to remember that concepts of “introversion” and “extroversion” are labels that don’t always show the nuance of a situation. Many psychologists are quick to remind us that no one is really one or the other. This fact is important because if we too quickly label ourselves as “too introverted to do _____,” we can perpetuate ideas about our capabilities that are actually harmful. So, even if you do identify as an introvert, it doesn’t mean the classroom isn’t an excellent place for you! It’s less about the label and more about how we manage our needs.
So, let’s focus on that. You say that the side chatter and housekeeping conversations are burning you out. I’d double-check routines and classroom norms, which tend to get lax in the spring. Do students need a reminder of when it’s time to talk and when it isn’t? Do they need some support remembering norms so you have fewer housekeeping conversations? Tightening up routines might help manage some of these issues.
I’d also add quiet time to your curriculum. My students journal silently at the beginning of every class. While this has many pedagogical benefits, it also allows me to have a moment of quiet to collect my thoughts and get ready for class. I’ve built in meditation and mindfulness moments as well so we can all regroup. I’ve also found that I value my quiet time during the day. I set clear boundaries about when I am available to students so that I can use my prep and lunch time to focus quietly when I need it.
Finally, I am trying (it is very hard) to make space for myself at home. Just 30 minutes of quiet while my husband does bath time has worked wonders for my mental health. I try not to engage in revenge procrastination, but I do work hard to make space so I can come down. I don’t always get it—my two toddlers don’t quite get the concept of recharging—but it’s a practice.
No matter what, I encourage you to keep asking the question and finding ways to fill your cup so you’re not burned out. It’s not an abnormal way to feel, and you deserve to recharge! Good luck, and I believe in you!
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I can’t help but notice that the male teachers at my elementary school somehow never have to do the tasks that go “above and beyond” the duty of a teacher. They’re never on the list to volunteer to help out, lead a group activity, or organize (or contribute to) a potluck. They’re never hounded to join the Sunshine Club or bend over backward to the whims of PTA moms. Should I point this out to my principal? If so, how?—Voluntold to Volunteer
